After 7.5 years and over 100,000 miles, I've let Suzi the Tiny Camper go.
We were in an accident that caused major cosmetic and minor structural damage, and then I found that she needed serious engine repairs. And so, it was time.
I took a photo of her good side as she left.
There is mourning, and of course I would rather have not been in a collision, but this unfortunate event was a significant source of self-learning and a catalyst for a kind of milestone in my family life.
Starting 2017 car-free. That actually feels pretty good to me. We'll see how long that lasts.
I've spent the last week digesting the news, trying to sort out all the layers of what the election results mean to me, how they've affected me, and how they will impact this country. It has been hard. It has been really hard.
I can see how Donald Trump appeals to those who have grown tired of being asked to empathize with immigrants, with people of color, with LGBTQ people, with women, with people whom they do not consider "real" Americans. I can see how Donald Trump represents dreams of money and power and freedom.
I wish there were a way to sum it up so that those who voted for Trump might be able to hear me, to be in conversation with me, to empathize with the hurt that so many of us are feeling right now. That will explain the rage that so many of us are feeling right now. I want so badly for that to be possible.
I woke this morning with my composure cracked because the implications of Trump's win have become more clearly articulated in my mind.
I am the child of refugees. The inherited trauma of what my parents and grandparents and older family members have been through has been triggered in a way that I have never felt before. We have talked at length and often about the difficulties, the terror, of their years in Cambodia during Khmer Rouge rule. I consider how things were in Cambodia before April 17, 1975. How there were those who could see what was coming and fled to the US, France, Australia, before tanks began traveling down the streets. And there were those who perhaps could see it but could not leave, those who had some sense of dread, but could only go about their lives affecting normalcy. I have a suspicion that "normal" changed by slow, small degrees, much as Trump's presidency and cabinet appointments are being normalized now.
And I recognize how I have been grieving and angry but for the most part still living life as normal, going to the ceramics studio, working, cooking, seeing friends. How news fatigue settles in. How this is what many of us are doing. And there is a feeling in the pit of my stomach that hunkering down is not and has never been enough. That perhaps it would help me survive, but that the cost might be higher than I can stand.
I am an outdoor educator. On expeditions, it is imperative that groups build trust and respect. We emphasize valuing diversity and inclusion, and I work hard to hold my students to high standards in their behavior and language toward one another. Our safety depends on being able to work together and take care of one another.
Trump's win is an affront to everything I've been trying to teach. It tells us divisive, rude, sexist, Islamophobic, and racist behavior will not keep a person from winning the top office in this country. That so many in this country do not hold him to anything near the standards that I have asked of my students.
Many people want to argue in abstract terms, many request not to be lumped in with white nationalists, racists, misogynists, Islamophobes, homophobes. I don't have the energy to provide that kind of reassurance right now. There is fear and dread, there are echoes of horrific histories, and there is an enormous grief.
There is a part of me that still does not believe that Trump's administration will actually take power in January. And I know that I have to fight against that disbelief because what we need now is to strategize against that event.
When I began studying ceramics in 2014, I became enamored with the precision techniques and guidance provided by Hsin-Chuen Lin on his YouTube channel. At the time of this writing, he has 250+ videos showing and sharing his techniques, his tools, and demonstrating his extensive pottery skill.
One of the most harrowing parts of making wheel-thrown pottery is the trimming process, which entails getting to the clay when it's dried enough but not too much, centering the piece once again on the wheel, and holding the tools correctly. Mr. Lin's videos helped me learn how to tap-center (practice) and how to have contact between my hands and the pot at all times when possible.
Because I love DIY-everything, I particularly enjoyed his video on how to make tools out of hacksaw blades:
I contacted Mr. Lin and he allowed me to visit him in his studio and watch him work. My friend Ash took some gorgeous photos that day.
I was inspired by the video and the presence of a blowtorch in my house to make my own tools from some old knives.
Blowtorch, a bastard-cut file, two pairs of pliers, a bowl of water, an old knife.
Got rid of the pointy bit.
Dulled the part of the blade that I wouldn't be using, and sharpened the square edges. In hindsight, I should have sharpened a bit farther down the blade, to have a better corner for trimming.
The plastic handle melted a bit because I kept the knife in the flame too long. Oops.
This tool has treated me relatively well, but it has to be sharpened quite frequently if I want to avoid unintentional chattering. Perhaps it's so hard to avoid because the tool is so thick?
Of course, I couldn't stop with that one. More bent metal things:
My favorite and most effective one is the one in the center-- perhaps because it's thinner, it holds the edge better? The one on the left is very sharp, but it is a bit too pointy for most of my trimming needs.
A video of me trimming a bottle using that favorite tool:
